Is it just me or is something not right?

ME: I'm Nauseas *throws up in mouth*
Mami: You're fucking disgusting
Sister: I think you overeat sometimes
Mami: No she starves herself & than shoves her face!

Ok now is it just me or is something not right?

Beacuse I mean in all seriousness...that was my mother acknowledging my eating disorder. She acknowledged it but i don't think shes realized it...I think she thinks I do it for attention, & hell maybe subconciously i do. But Tell me i'm not the only one that thinks that that could've been dealt with a WHOLE nother way...

Because I can't help but feel like that could've gone better.

Eyes

I remain mesmerized & hypnotized
By the beauty that lies within your eyes
Starstruck by your presence
Awaiting the day the amazement will Lessen
An image that won't cease to roam my mind
In desperate search of something I'll never find
Fallen deep into a pool of thought
Deprived of a feeling that can't be taught
There's no sparkle, Just a star
No defining how beautiful they are
I lay there hypnotized
Trying & failing to define the beauty that lies within your eyes

Some Little Things About Me

You know that old story about that girl. Well ,the minute you see me delete that whole idea from your head. I am NOT that girl. I don't really know what kinda girl I am. Undefinable without a doubt, I've learned to embrace my escapes from reality, therefore leaving me with wings, flying all around the world. I'm oddly & sickly obsessed with Cheese Sunflower Seeds. Waking up swollen is no longer an obstacle for me. I'm also sickly obsessed with Camera's, I love camera's & pictures & photography. I've learned to cope with my addictions & attempt to make them healthy. I love music, & everything about it. I don't like when people feed me bullshit, I'd prefer that people kept it real with me. I hate when people ASSUME that they know a shit stick about me...there's no way in holy hell that you can know what to expect when ur with me, 'cause sometimes i don't even know. I'm somewhat of an insomniac, I don't sleep very often & when i do its not exactly magical. Oh, & speaking of magick... I"m not an athiest, catholic, christian or jewish. I'm a witch, i study witchcraft & wicca. Dont judge me. Those of you who think i spend my time hunched over a bubbling cauldron turning people into frogs are HIGHLY mistaken. You know nothing about my religion, therefore do NOT mock me. I choose my own paths, just like you choose yours. But yea, if I like a movie enough i'll watch it over & Over & over again. For example: The Notebook, Titanic, Juno, & anything with Dane Cook (who i am in love with by the way). I can't in all honesty say that i'm not a bad influence. I do innapropiate shit almost everyday. Ask any friend of mine they could hit u with some funny shit. 'Cause yea i'm really fuckin funny. Sometimes i curse a little TOO much. Other times i don't curse at all. MY vocabulary & penmanship are both impecable & i'm really a big geek. Computers & books are the shit. I love to learn... I'm just a little fucked up. I'm too nice sometimes. I let my husband do whatever he wants... Sometimes he pisses me off & i end up mad but at the end of the day, he'll call & my heart will pulsate three times faster than it should. Theres alot of secrets to the way i love, i'm kinda hard to understand...But yea, I'm the kinda girl you learn to love... Too much?? Well than fuck off

Together

Together

Above the clouds, below the sea

By ourselves just you and me

All alone and totally free

Walking along beside the sea

Here we are together at last

But with you here time goes to fast

First Love

First Love..

Days of sunshine,

Hours of Fun.

Good times, bad times

Two beings as one.

An affectionate hug,

An intimate kiss.

Shared emotions

A feeling of bliss.

A blanket of beauty

Surrounds the air

My heart beats rapidly

As you caress my hair

All these emotions

Feeling so new

I'm full of confusion

But I think. . . I Love You

Exposed

I'm hurt
Devastated
NO feeling

My heart lies open
Exposed
Bleeding

I see you with her
Happy
Flying

But me over here
Inside
Dying

Undefined Nightmare Of Happiness

I sit here and comtemplate as all time passes by
in what seems sooner than a heartbeat
The tunnel closing in no more space for air
Feeling the dilapidation of my lungs which are now barely there
The dillema now at hand is should I let my heart diminish
Demolish, deteriorate before my very eyes
Or do I fight it for dignity with NO disguise
Cornocopia of masks...each more ellaborate and deceitful
My heart has declined in quality but still not see through
You like to think that I'm not there
Like i'm oblivious to what and where WE used to be
Completely visible to the naked eye
but non - exsistent to what the heart sees
Feelings, falling, letting the little amount of
time that is left slowly slip away
Slip out of what was thought to be a firm grip
There's nothing left to say
Grasping like a clasp thats about ready to snap
Fingers gnawing at my flesh like a hungry rat
It's you...I'm your human life line and your slipping
I ponder whether or not to let you drop
and watch as your falling
Just as I begin to obtain my sanity...
The clasp collapsed and you got smaller
and smaller somewhere below me...
I dive in after you...as much as I hate to admit
I need you
I can't hold on any longer the tunnel is narrowing
I think I'm done but then I see you
The tunnel then expands and is now full of water
Just as I begin to gasp for air....I go under
Where am I? Where are you? I awake in a cold sweat
I stare at the digital alarm clock by my side
What at first seems like forever
is then gone....it's all lies
I spend my night isolated from the world
trying to block out all the unwanted noise
The phone rings... I don't want to answer
But I do... Then I hear your voice...
Conversation that seems to be heading
in no specific direction...I hear "I Love You"
And I smile while my heart quickly tries to assess the situtation
Time is slowing down again...I don't know how to reply
Such extreme feelings for such insignifacant people..
I won't hurt myself again.... The words are lethal
They realease the difference....a good yet bad change
The unknown distance between like and love is a wide range..
I find my self falling....constantly....falling in love with you
Without ever falling out...It seems difficult...
My mind doesn't understand it either...I dont know why i love the 3 time cheater
Its something about him... A certain spark from deep inside
I cant seem to make my heart and mind collide
IF i could focus, concentrate on what i feel
I could figure out why my dreams seem so real
He is my reasoning, my insanity, my diesease yet my cure
the feeling of security but still being unsure.
He is my better half and I am his....So why fear it?
Why fear my undefined nightmare of Happiness?

I'm an insomniatic Vampire

I am SO sleepy. I can't sleep!!!! I would kill to be dreaming right now. But instead i'm up thinking about what there is to drink in the fridge. I slept alittle earlier today. If i do ever get sleep i can't stay sleeping for more than 45 minutes so whats the fucking point! I'm so sleepy. It's making me angry. I go to school bitter then I put on a pretty little smile and hide behind eye liner and mascara. BOOM..everybody thinks i'm awake. Luna is the life of the fucking party. She laughs, chats and moves around like any other normal teen when in reality i'm not even alive. I consider myself a vampire. Thats what the fuck i feel like. I feel undead. I am so sleepy..this is me ranting.. I"m so ridiculously sleepy and i CANT FALL ASLEEP. I'm so done. If it were up to me i'd like collapse right now. For my own sick twisted pleasure i'm talking to some guy that wants to fuck me he thinks i wanna fuck him back when in reality i just wished he'd forget i exsisted. I"m so fucking sleepy. My stomach itches and i have probaly been scratching for the past 20 minutes just staring at mii bed waiting to get alittle bit sleepy. My eyes won't budge, My mind, and body are not coordinating properly together. If i could justt close my eyes and begin to dream it wouldn't be a problem. Maybe i need to cry. Oh right i did that already today when i was on thephone with my boyfriend wondering wether or not he wants to even be with me. SO crying is not the answer. My back hurts...i've been slouching half the time i've been typing this becasue my shitty computer chair doesn't have a back since everybody that lives in my house is a savage. I'm so sleepy and tommorow when i have the perfect oppurtunity to "fall" asleep i'm going to have all the energy in the world. Earlier today i walked into a bar did a cartwheel and then jumped on the table and flashed....I could've been sleeping!!The only time i fall asleep is when i'm with my boyfriend...He hugs me and i just wanna dream...WHERE THE FUCK IS HE WHEN I NEED HIM?
I am SO FUCKING SLEEPY... BUT I can't sleep. I"m thirsy and I haven't slept in aobut 97 hours. Earlier 2day i couldn't pronounce the word photography but i was screaming the lyrics to the song "Bump n Grind" By: R.Kelly.
I daydream more often now that i don't sleep. Lemme just say i've never typed faster in my life. I think the lacking of astral projection is causing an increase in imagination hence all this extra daydreaming because not once did i ever daydream about magikal dancing giant marshmallows (WIERD) i'm always sleepy & i'm always hungry...I think i'm hungry but i'll just be thirsty. Thats why I think i'm a vampire.
I am so sleepy. I bet you didint' know that i was still scratching my stomach. it really itches i thinkit's the shitty bra i have on that i ususally wear to go to sleep. I'm going to get somthing to drink then stare at the cieling and scratch my stomach and just pray to god that i fall asleep before my alarm goes off!!!

Found In The Middle Of Nowhere

I've found myself torn
between confused and unknown
The past now uncanning
The future untold

Indulgence still wanted
while secrecy is obtained
I long to be out there in
Sun shine or rain

My freedom is held captive
In the heart of my master
My love is being taken
First slow but soon Faster

Taken and hidden
To the point that i can't give
Finding reasons for love
When theres no life to live

Many years in a mess hall
I"ve learned to call home
Living with family yet still
Somehow being alone

Curiosity surrounding me
My patience reached an end
I long to find someone
A lover and/or friend

Satifaction is near
It is sensed in my heart
But now that i'm happy
Things around me begin to fall apart

I begin to die internally
But i was then filled with bliss
His heart surrounded mine
So i sealed with a kiss

With that sealed kiss
Came a world of my own
While reality began shrinking
This world became well grown

In a constant drift
From dimension to dimension
I find myself drowning
In his sweet satisfaction

Not knowing wat to expect
Causing a rush of adrenaline
The world keeps on telling me
I'm falling in love with him

A lifetime full
Of confusion and sorrow
Why question happiness
When you could die tomorrow?

Why question love
As a reason for laugter
For life can be as bright as the sun
Or as dark as a black panther

Living in an alternate universe
Where things remain perfect
Not knowing to live or love
Not knowing if its worth it

I found myself torn
Between here and there
He found me too
In the middle of nowhere

You Dropped Me

For a while you caught me
I landed softly in your arms
So then i let my heart free
Thinking you wouldnt do any harm
But then all of a sudden I quickly hit the ground
Making the mistake to think
You'd always be around
When I realized you dropped meIt really pissed me off
But then i came to realize
That my felling had me lost
I don't know why i did it
Why i let down my guardI had a felling you'd drop me
Just didn't think you'd do it so hard
I thouight that you were different
Felt a connecton that wasn't there
But now i know just like the rest
You didn't really care
I didn't think you'd drop me
For me to accept it took a while
My mind didn't want to believe it
My heart was in denile
You'll pay for what you did
My heart wasn't free
Prepare yourself for my vengeance
Cause i'll never forget how you droped me

Catch Me When I Fall

Lord know that I hope and pray
That I'll land in your arms
You'll kiss me with your tender lips
and sooth me with your charm
My feelings for you grow strongerI think I'm going 2 fall
Just hoping that you'll think of me
To answer when I call
The lord knows how I love you
I know you know it 2
For without you my world would melt
This much I know is true
I really love you dearlyI would give you my all
All I ask of you
Is to catch me when I fall
As I fall deeply
Deeply into love
I know my guardian angel
is watching from above
So hoping that you'll be there
To answer when I call
To be my knight in shing armor
To catch me when I fall.