VOID. (Where The Journey Takes a Pause)

So here's the deal, I miss working, I'm so distracted. It's difficult for me to be concentrating on so much shit that's going on. So the title of this piece means ALOT to me...just because it's a recurring dream i keep having that refuses to go away...Unfortunately that dream is like flying around my ass right now...But i do feel like writing....but i have an incredible void that's like an erupting volcano.

Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire.
Samuel Johnson

I DO exert my fucking talents! & i have distinguished myself and they WILL be sorry when I'm gone because there is NOBODY like me!

Gimmie some more time && I'll gather all my work && I promise.

You will NOT be sorry =]

Renamed.

LifeStyle

I am absolutely indifferent
I just don't care.
As for rules?
Non-Existent to me
I'm one of those people who lack a sense of moral responsibility
Therefore being defined as a sociopath
I'm dangerous & uncontrollable
Yea, I admit it 'cause I KNOW I'm reckless
I've made several mistakes
However I don't regret a thing
I'm committed to my husband,
Have been for quite some time
Don't tell me how to live my life,
I won't pay you any mind so don't waste your breath
Besides, I don't take direction too well...
Problems?
Well might I suggest you keep your distance
'Cause uh I'm like a drug
One hit of ME & you'll be crawling back for more

Mistakes (Needs Editing)

As I’m dragging the rusty blade across my pale skin
You come to mind…& I realize how happy I CAN be
Your one of the few things that can put a smile on my face
& as the blood trickles down my wrist I remember
That I DID serve a purpose…& that was to be with you
But it dawned on me…How can someone that isn’t happy
With themselves make anyone else happy
& then it didn’t matter…I didn’t need logic…or science
Just you & I realize it was all a huge
MISTAKE

As I’m dragging the rusty blade across my pale skin
My phone vibrates against my thigh… its you rescuing me
The 1st word out of your mouth are “I love you” & then
I remember its not worth it There’s a REASON
& I try to continue…But believe it or not, you have power
It’s only when your not around that I succumb to the
Calls of my deadly vice… but then you make me smile
& that’s when I realize it was all a huge
MISTAKE

We had a fight….
As I’m dragging the rusty blade across my pale skin
I lose control…I cut my chest, my hands, my legs
This time your not there to be my hero…to be my savior
To make me happy again… IT feels better than ever,
A punishment for having made you SO angry…
Something strange happens
The vibrations again…Its you….but its too late…
The damage is D O N E
&& Now that you’re back in my grasp…
Is when I realize that it was all a huge
MISTAKE

Now when we lay 2gether you don’t see my scars
They’ve gotten better…But I thought u should know
It was YOU that saved me almost every time…
& I’ve done some wrong things in my life
But if I ever lost you it wouldn’t take long
To realize that I must’ve made a huge
MISTAKE

Cries In The Night

Tracy
The rebel girl that doesn’t show her feelings
The one that is always being loud & obnoxious
The only time she’s surrounded by tranquility,
She thinks of him & lays her head on her pillow
Merely to bear the tears she has been hiding
Throughout the entire day
She cries in the night

Jake
The big jock, captain of the wrestling team
The one that displays the “perfect” image
He drives home in his shiny BMW
Gets to his room to find his mother drunk AGAIN
Trying to escape the madness he calls home
His mother finally falls asleep around 11 PM
HE throws himself into his bed
Merely to bear the tears he has been hiding
Since the second he walked into the house
He cries in the night

Bethany
The pretty girl, head of the spirit squad
She makes everyone love her
Walks home with her friends
& as they part ways on the corner
The fears build up in her stomach
She steps into the house
& goes to get something to drink
To find her stepfather waiting
HE attacks her…throwing her onto the counter
Ripping off her skirt & violating her
Her mom gets home so he stops
She runs upstairs & curls up on her bed
Merely to bear the tears she has been hiding
Since the moment her mother married him
She cries in the night

Eclipse
She is the dreamer, she sees it all
She reaches out to listen to the stories of the victims
But nothing…she calls out to them & they block it out
They don’t see her watching them
She feels their suffering
& it hurts that she can’t help
As she waits for someone to call to her
She too cries in the night

*||~Quotes~||*

1."Ok, I have one head, yet I sleep with 6 pillows & a teddy Bear the size of my torso & then a LITTLE pillow that I've hugged since I was a baby....wondering why? That's cool cuz I am too..."
-Eclipse

2."Old cuts throbbing at the mere sight of blood from fresh NEW cuts that are leaking like a broken faucet into an endless drain of bullshit"

-Eclipse

3."You wanna hate me?

Just lemme know, 'cause I'll give you a reason."
-Eclipse

4."The consequences of my stupidity are far worst than expected battery & torture, for the result & consequence of my stupidity result in a feeling of being incomplete...not knowing what ur gonna do next b/c you've lost what created a stable balance....& it is now G O N E."
-Eclipse

5."I see things around me, but I don't view the world with my eyes, for my eyes simply record the experience....My hands are what feels.....but when our hands touch....do we feel the same thing?"
-Eclipse

6."You are the shadow of darkness in my city of light"
-Eclipse

7."If I'm so wrong, Fix Me."
-Eclipse

8."Kiss my lips, throw me up against the wall, caress my outter thigh, pull up my leg, tell me you want it, & than take it"
-Eclipse

9."Jealousy is no longer an emotion that runs in my blood. I lie awake at night with a feeling of wrath merely wandering through my soul....looking for a way out"
-Eclipse

10."Slowly being attacked by the demon within...deeds done, She's gone...she's been possessed by the bittersweet calls of the beyond"
-Eclipse

11."Maybe JUST maybe, I'm a little less of a heartless bitch"
-Eclipse

12."The numbness that is within me leaves me in a starsruck daze staring at the nothingness that lies deep inside of me"
-Eclipse

13."A feeling of desperation surrounds me, I find myself lost in a battlefield....tryna figure a way out of the ongoing quarry between me & my thoughts."
-Eclipse

14."My words inhabit my body & experiences the physicality and the inner silence that becomes eloquent only in performance"
-Eclipse

15."Its our responsibilty as today's youth to accept the indisputable fact that the truth holds no lies"
-Eclipse

16."I'm an impatient bitch....If you want me to change my face, then you need 2 change ur ways...its just THAT simple"
-Eclipse

17."The intensity of the way I carry myself signifies the complexity of the way that I think....Open minds are like blank books, anything can happen"
- Eclipse


Each quote will Serve as an entry...

S-N-A-P

Just like that boy, you took my breath away

Made me think, “If I got him, I don’t need the light of day”

For a real long time, I kept that one on my mind

Never faded, ‘till this day that boy will always be mine

See if you can find someone that’ll love you the way that I love you

There isn’t enough time in the world to get something so true

I never had any intentions to do you wrong

Still stuck on the melody of that sweet song

Remember the day we went to “the spot” Just us?

Everything was great & I didn’t fuck it up

Remember your 16th birthday? The train ride home?

I remember waking up & running to get a comb

I came to the living room to find you still deep in slumber

& Woke you up with a kiss & an “I love you”… remember?

I do…I’ll never forget it, Perfection for a FACT

Just like that baby, you got me with a snap

So much more I'd love to say But cant be put in words

Don't forget like snap came love can also come the hurt

Unstable.

I don't know what the hell is the matter with me, But lately I'm all over the fricking place!!! Its like one second I'm calm & I'm smiling...not HAPPY but smiling for the most part you know? && the NEXt second...I'm FURIOUS, and I don't know what makes me so angry, It'll be the slightest thing, & it just urks me to my VERY core...& I don't think I can handle that. It makes me ridicoulous to know that I can't contain myself in ANY situations i find myself in, & for the record...I'm always in SOME situation.


So0o0o0o0o..It was a great day...My husband came over (I'm not pissed, I love him) & Him & my mother & little sister went to the pool, & then we went out to eat, & then we came back to my house & every one showered & we werw all hangin out...& then everyone left & it was just me & my boyfriend time...& it was so0o0o0oo0o0o0o immaculate...But i went & FUCKED it up. I cried & cried for him to stay so that we can talk & than I'd let him leave..but in the end i started to feel needy...i don't like that feeling...so i let him leave...with a hurt in my heart, a tear in my eye & a pain in my stomach..& it may seem melodramatic but I'm being serious...I was crying HARD...I NEVER let him actually see me cry like that...So he promised he'd call me when he got home...its been about 3 hours...& he has YET to call, he's called everyone else though..to "vent"...That upsets me...it makes me wanna cry some more...I don't even know what else to do...i really couldve made it better, I COULD'VE! We could've spoken it out & then i wouldve let him leave on a happy note...but NO i fucked up the day, with my BULLLSHIT...i hate that i do that man & i hate that he gets so angry...so it was a GREAT day...horrible ending... I have no choice but to cry myself to sleep 2night...No choice...i don't think hes gonna call...i don't wanna wait up to find out...If i do chances of me throwing up are like 99 in 100 so0o0o0o idk what to do now...Sometimes he does this thing where he gets so angry he doesn't call me for days at a time..i can't deal with that right now...thats NOT what i need right now... I Pray that he calls me 2morrow...& If he's breaking up with me...I prefer he didn't beat around the bush... Because quite frankly, I don't think I could handle it...

So Fucking frustated

Hmmm... Question

Do you ever find yourself isolating your self from the group? Therefore being cast as an outsider looking in. As if to find your self stuck in a rut right outside the comfort zone. What are you supposed to do when you find that your body is physically denying your depression? What does it mean when you’re smiling on the outside, but on the inside your body deteriorating down to the very core, down to the toughest exterior. When you don’t know what to do? When you’re so mad that you can’t help but smile? What exactly are you supposed to turn to?
What’s the point in trying to satisfy others? If you’re never going to get anywhere with self satisfaction. Have you ever given yourself to one person that isn’t you? To then later realize that you were making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. To then realize that the person isn’t worth it? That all they ever wanted to do was take advantage of you? That they were never any good intentions and that things aren’t ever going to go the way you wanted them to go? That you have been fooled, robbed or your purity, taken away from your heart, the only place where you can find yourself? It’s like there is no where that you can go to determine your own emotions, determine the effects of your own actions. What is that? The feeling of Captive freedom, it takes over my world. Am I the only one? Do u think I’m crazy??

Join the club…cuz so does everyone else

My Escape

Running away to a distant yet familiar memory, attempting to not condone and reform to the actual Numbness

My words inhabit my body and experience the physicality and the inner silence that becomes eloquent only in performance.

I see the things around me with a different view as the others, I’m a non-conformist being sucked into a world full of all the same rebels

Wishing I knew the way to rid myself of all harmful vices, wishing I knew a way to avoid the calls of the Devil

My demonic ways beginning to take over my lifestyle surrounded by Angel faced Devils waiting for opportunities to do me wrong

Corrupting the pure innocence of those lucky enough to not be possessed by the lyrics & melody of that sweet sweet song

Listening or surrounding yourself with the song is like a brutal ripping of your soul, being taken like RAPE

Wander with my words into a chaotic yet mellow E S C A P E

Lost On A Two Way Street (Contradictions)

I know where I am, Where do I stand?
No suggestions only demands
I can’t feel my arms, Why are they bleeding?
Apology accepted for being “misleading”
I hear my heart beating, Why don’t I feel human?
Not satisfied with the categorization I’m viewed in
I told you I loved you, Why haven’t you called?
I don’t want to remember, there’s memories on the walls
Hold my hand, why won’t u go away?
Don’t let go! I need u here to stay
Be honest, The truth scares the fuck out of me
Why would u say that? I’m where I thought I’d never be
Always moving , getting no where
Why’s everything so still, I got to go there
Where are you taking me? Don’t bring me back
I want to go home! I don’t know what lacks
I know where I am, Where do I stand?
No suggestions only demands

A Couple Sides To my Mental Rubiks Cube

She is Eclipse. She hides, from everyone & everything she should run to. She tortures herself constantly, She'll get what she wants in her grasp, & then she lets go, & struggles to get it again. She enjoys the chase, the adventure, the uncertainty. She finds comfort in insecurities. Contradiction is her middle name. Get her a pen & she'll serve you the world on a paper plate. It'll be a FULL-course meal! She always has something to say, & she’s a master of her language. The English language is not sufficient for her thoughts. Her words contain meaning & density. She's the explicit censorship of all prime life. She is the entity of an oxymoron. She exhibits true lies, captive freedom, & illogical technicalities, like a silent thunderstorm. She is SO misunderstood. She has rebelled. She is forced into darkness; the earth comes between her & her cores so that all or part of her light is blocked out. She is eclipse.


Then there is the INFAMOUS Luna. She's a demonic little angel. The life of that party, the performer. She LOVES the spotlight & only the lord can try to help anyone who tried to take that away from her. Don't attempt to dispute with this little creature we call Luna (short for Lunatic) She'd tear you to bits & pieces... If looks alone could kill she'd knock em dead with the blink of an eye. She has the confidence of America's Top Model, NOT cocky, but confident. She's a stylist, she’s So0o0o different. She absolutely HATES trends...w/e she likes she'll go with, she’s so up to date on the trends, but she won't take part in them.. She can put together an outfit from NOTHING. Her style is sickening, watch out for this one! She is a Luna.


There's Miss Bitch. Her name pretty much speaks for itself. Don’t attempt to argue with her. She is NOT a lover. She is FIGHTER...she won't let herself be defeated. We haven't seen it yet. One day she'll meet her match...nd we'll see who she can become, however as of now she is untouched and remains untouchable... a forbidden treasure...waiting for an infidel! She doesn't take shit from anybody...She is a bitch...Miss Bitch™ at that! So show some respect. Gotta give it to get it *wink*


Theres me, I’m Jasmine also known as Jazzi or Jas. I'm a little strange when you have a first encounter with me. I'm the writer, the musician, the lover, & the Dreamer. I'm a sweetheart. I enjoy when people open up to me. It makes me feel as thought for once in my life, I’m not being seen as a delinquint, or a trouble maker, or a pathological liar, but like a person. A person you can trust, & rely on to be there for you. I'm really understanding & I’m not as bad as you may think I am...I’m going to think its same to assume that I don't exactly portray myself as I nice innocent little person. But that’s just how it is... & if you DONT like it. Well than I'm so sorry for u!

Glimpse Of Torture

You don’t see? You can't tell that behind the smile, the eyes & the laughs that she is just miserable? Hidden Beauty. Crazed Silence. So far beyond extreme that it’s mesmerizing. (Giggle) She KNOWS that you wanna ask. But she won't speak... She hides, yet still standing out in the crowd...& waits for you to approach her. You wait. It builds up inside of you. YOU NEED TO KNOW HER NAME. Everyone knows who she is. Everyone wants to know. Including her...She is lost in reality but in total control of her world. She has lost all contact with reality as she is claimed to be a victim of society. She laughs during the day when not hiding indoors. However, once struck by the celestial energy from the moon...she GLOWS. Beauty hidden beneath torture, deceit, betrayal, & lies...So what is her name? && as u wonder what her name is, she wonders why u don’t see. Why won't you help?

Cause & Effect

If I’m so wrong, Fix me.
[Secretly wanting acceptance]

Unknown essence of physical perfection
[My eating disorder]

Lost in a book deprived of an active social life
[Isolation is Key]

30 minutes late again, I’m expected to fail regardless
[Losing hope, starting to give up]

Staring at my bare self in the mirror in a full house
[Subconsciously exposing new cuts]

Resisting the urge to cut again
[Picking up a new vice]

Lost in total numbness
[Slowly regressing to a weaker state]

Waking up out of breath at 3 AM
[Another panic attack]

Cutting too deep
[You didn’t take the signs seriously]

Blood dripping down my arm
[You lied about getting me help]

Laying in a hospital bed
[We could’ve avoided this]

Weekly visits
[Now your even MORE humiliated]

Cause
[Effect]

Is it just me or is something not right?

ME: I'm Nauseas *throws up in mouth*
Mami: You're fucking disgusting
Sister: I think you overeat sometimes
Mami: No she starves herself & than shoves her face!

Ok now is it just me or is something not right?

Beacuse I mean in all seriousness...that was my mother acknowledging my eating disorder. She acknowledged it but i don't think shes realized it...I think she thinks I do it for attention, & hell maybe subconciously i do. But Tell me i'm not the only one that thinks that that could've been dealt with a WHOLE nother way...

Because I can't help but feel like that could've gone better.

Eyes

I remain mesmerized & hypnotized
By the beauty that lies within your eyes
Starstruck by your presence
Awaiting the day the amazement will Lessen
An image that won't cease to roam my mind
In desperate search of something I'll never find
Fallen deep into a pool of thought
Deprived of a feeling that can't be taught
There's no sparkle, Just a star
No defining how beautiful they are
I lay there hypnotized
Trying & failing to define the beauty that lies within your eyes

Some Little Things About Me

You know that old story about that girl. Well ,the minute you see me delete that whole idea from your head. I am NOT that girl. I don't really know what kinda girl I am. Undefinable without a doubt, I've learned to embrace my escapes from reality, therefore leaving me with wings, flying all around the world. I'm oddly & sickly obsessed with Cheese Sunflower Seeds. Waking up swollen is no longer an obstacle for me. I'm also sickly obsessed with Camera's, I love camera's & pictures & photography. I've learned to cope with my addictions & attempt to make them healthy. I love music, & everything about it. I don't like when people feed me bullshit, I'd prefer that people kept it real with me. I hate when people ASSUME that they know a shit stick about me...there's no way in holy hell that you can know what to expect when ur with me, 'cause sometimes i don't even know. I'm somewhat of an insomniac, I don't sleep very often & when i do its not exactly magical. Oh, & speaking of magick... I"m not an athiest, catholic, christian or jewish. I'm a witch, i study witchcraft & wicca. Dont judge me. Those of you who think i spend my time hunched over a bubbling cauldron turning people into frogs are HIGHLY mistaken. You know nothing about my religion, therefore do NOT mock me. I choose my own paths, just like you choose yours. But yea, if I like a movie enough i'll watch it over & Over & over again. For example: The Notebook, Titanic, Juno, & anything with Dane Cook (who i am in love with by the way). I can't in all honesty say that i'm not a bad influence. I do innapropiate shit almost everyday. Ask any friend of mine they could hit u with some funny shit. 'Cause yea i'm really fuckin funny. Sometimes i curse a little TOO much. Other times i don't curse at all. MY vocabulary & penmanship are both impecable & i'm really a big geek. Computers & books are the shit. I love to learn... I'm just a little fucked up. I'm too nice sometimes. I let my husband do whatever he wants... Sometimes he pisses me off & i end up mad but at the end of the day, he'll call & my heart will pulsate three times faster than it should. Theres alot of secrets to the way i love, i'm kinda hard to understand...But yea, I'm the kinda girl you learn to love... Too much?? Well than fuck off

Together

Together

Above the clouds, below the sea

By ourselves just you and me

All alone and totally free

Walking along beside the sea

Here we are together at last

But with you here time goes to fast

First Love

First Love..

Days of sunshine,

Hours of Fun.

Good times, bad times

Two beings as one.

An affectionate hug,

An intimate kiss.

Shared emotions

A feeling of bliss.

A blanket of beauty

Surrounds the air

My heart beats rapidly

As you caress my hair

All these emotions

Feeling so new

I'm full of confusion

But I think. . . I Love You

Exposed

I'm hurt
Devastated
NO feeling

My heart lies open
Exposed
Bleeding

I see you with her
Happy
Flying

But me over here
Inside
Dying

Undefined Nightmare Of Happiness

I sit here and comtemplate as all time passes by
in what seems sooner than a heartbeat
The tunnel closing in no more space for air
Feeling the dilapidation of my lungs which are now barely there
The dillema now at hand is should I let my heart diminish
Demolish, deteriorate before my very eyes
Or do I fight it for dignity with NO disguise
Cornocopia of masks...each more ellaborate and deceitful
My heart has declined in quality but still not see through
You like to think that I'm not there
Like i'm oblivious to what and where WE used to be
Completely visible to the naked eye
but non - exsistent to what the heart sees
Feelings, falling, letting the little amount of
time that is left slowly slip away
Slip out of what was thought to be a firm grip
There's nothing left to say
Grasping like a clasp thats about ready to snap
Fingers gnawing at my flesh like a hungry rat
It's you...I'm your human life line and your slipping
I ponder whether or not to let you drop
and watch as your falling
Just as I begin to obtain my sanity...
The clasp collapsed and you got smaller
and smaller somewhere below me...
I dive in after you...as much as I hate to admit
I need you
I can't hold on any longer the tunnel is narrowing
I think I'm done but then I see you
The tunnel then expands and is now full of water
Just as I begin to gasp for air....I go under
Where am I? Where are you? I awake in a cold sweat
I stare at the digital alarm clock by my side
What at first seems like forever
is then gone....it's all lies
I spend my night isolated from the world
trying to block out all the unwanted noise
The phone rings... I don't want to answer
But I do... Then I hear your voice...
Conversation that seems to be heading
in no specific direction...I hear "I Love You"
And I smile while my heart quickly tries to assess the situtation
Time is slowing down again...I don't know how to reply
Such extreme feelings for such insignifacant people..
I won't hurt myself again.... The words are lethal
They realease the difference....a good yet bad change
The unknown distance between like and love is a wide range..
I find my self falling....constantly....falling in love with you
Without ever falling out...It seems difficult...
My mind doesn't understand it either...I dont know why i love the 3 time cheater
Its something about him... A certain spark from deep inside
I cant seem to make my heart and mind collide
IF i could focus, concentrate on what i feel
I could figure out why my dreams seem so real
He is my reasoning, my insanity, my diesease yet my cure
the feeling of security but still being unsure.
He is my better half and I am his....So why fear it?
Why fear my undefined nightmare of Happiness?

I'm an insomniatic Vampire

I am SO sleepy. I can't sleep!!!! I would kill to be dreaming right now. But instead i'm up thinking about what there is to drink in the fridge. I slept alittle earlier today. If i do ever get sleep i can't stay sleeping for more than 45 minutes so whats the fucking point! I'm so sleepy. It's making me angry. I go to school bitter then I put on a pretty little smile and hide behind eye liner and mascara. BOOM..everybody thinks i'm awake. Luna is the life of the fucking party. She laughs, chats and moves around like any other normal teen when in reality i'm not even alive. I consider myself a vampire. Thats what the fuck i feel like. I feel undead. I am so sleepy..this is me ranting.. I"m so ridiculously sleepy and i CANT FALL ASLEEP. I'm so done. If it were up to me i'd like collapse right now. For my own sick twisted pleasure i'm talking to some guy that wants to fuck me he thinks i wanna fuck him back when in reality i just wished he'd forget i exsisted. I"m so fucking sleepy. My stomach itches and i have probaly been scratching for the past 20 minutes just staring at mii bed waiting to get alittle bit sleepy. My eyes won't budge, My mind, and body are not coordinating properly together. If i could justt close my eyes and begin to dream it wouldn't be a problem. Maybe i need to cry. Oh right i did that already today when i was on thephone with my boyfriend wondering wether or not he wants to even be with me. SO crying is not the answer. My back hurts...i've been slouching half the time i've been typing this becasue my shitty computer chair doesn't have a back since everybody that lives in my house is a savage. I'm so sleepy and tommorow when i have the perfect oppurtunity to "fall" asleep i'm going to have all the energy in the world. Earlier today i walked into a bar did a cartwheel and then jumped on the table and flashed....I could've been sleeping!!The only time i fall asleep is when i'm with my boyfriend...He hugs me and i just wanna dream...WHERE THE FUCK IS HE WHEN I NEED HIM?
I am SO FUCKING SLEEPY... BUT I can't sleep. I"m thirsy and I haven't slept in aobut 97 hours. Earlier 2day i couldn't pronounce the word photography but i was screaming the lyrics to the song "Bump n Grind" By: R.Kelly.
I daydream more often now that i don't sleep. Lemme just say i've never typed faster in my life. I think the lacking of astral projection is causing an increase in imagination hence all this extra daydreaming because not once did i ever daydream about magikal dancing giant marshmallows (WIERD) i'm always sleepy & i'm always hungry...I think i'm hungry but i'll just be thirsty. Thats why I think i'm a vampire.
I am so sleepy. I bet you didint' know that i was still scratching my stomach. it really itches i thinkit's the shitty bra i have on that i ususally wear to go to sleep. I'm going to get somthing to drink then stare at the cieling and scratch my stomach and just pray to god that i fall asleep before my alarm goes off!!!

Found In The Middle Of Nowhere

I've found myself torn
between confused and unknown
The past now uncanning
The future untold

Indulgence still wanted
while secrecy is obtained
I long to be out there in
Sun shine or rain

My freedom is held captive
In the heart of my master
My love is being taken
First slow but soon Faster

Taken and hidden
To the point that i can't give
Finding reasons for love
When theres no life to live

Many years in a mess hall
I"ve learned to call home
Living with family yet still
Somehow being alone

Curiosity surrounding me
My patience reached an end
I long to find someone
A lover and/or friend

Satifaction is near
It is sensed in my heart
But now that i'm happy
Things around me begin to fall apart

I begin to die internally
But i was then filled with bliss
His heart surrounded mine
So i sealed with a kiss

With that sealed kiss
Came a world of my own
While reality began shrinking
This world became well grown

In a constant drift
From dimension to dimension
I find myself drowning
In his sweet satisfaction

Not knowing wat to expect
Causing a rush of adrenaline
The world keeps on telling me
I'm falling in love with him

A lifetime full
Of confusion and sorrow
Why question happiness
When you could die tomorrow?

Why question love
As a reason for laugter
For life can be as bright as the sun
Or as dark as a black panther

Living in an alternate universe
Where things remain perfect
Not knowing to live or love
Not knowing if its worth it

I found myself torn
Between here and there
He found me too
In the middle of nowhere

You Dropped Me

For a while you caught me
I landed softly in your arms
So then i let my heart free
Thinking you wouldnt do any harm
But then all of a sudden I quickly hit the ground
Making the mistake to think
You'd always be around
When I realized you dropped meIt really pissed me off
But then i came to realize
That my felling had me lost
I don't know why i did it
Why i let down my guardI had a felling you'd drop me
Just didn't think you'd do it so hard
I thouight that you were different
Felt a connecton that wasn't there
But now i know just like the rest
You didn't really care
I didn't think you'd drop me
For me to accept it took a while
My mind didn't want to believe it
My heart was in denile
You'll pay for what you did
My heart wasn't free
Prepare yourself for my vengeance
Cause i'll never forget how you droped me

Catch Me When I Fall

Lord know that I hope and pray
That I'll land in your arms
You'll kiss me with your tender lips
and sooth me with your charm
My feelings for you grow strongerI think I'm going 2 fall
Just hoping that you'll think of me
To answer when I call
The lord knows how I love you
I know you know it 2
For without you my world would melt
This much I know is true
I really love you dearlyI would give you my all
All I ask of you
Is to catch me when I fall
As I fall deeply
Deeply into love
I know my guardian angel
is watching from above
So hoping that you'll be there
To answer when I call
To be my knight in shing armor
To catch me when I fall.