S-N-A-P

Just like that boy, you took my breath away

Made me think, “If I got him, I don’t need the light of day”

For a real long time, I kept that one on my mind

Never faded, ‘till this day that boy will always be mine

See if you can find someone that’ll love you the way that I love you

There isn’t enough time in the world to get something so true

I never had any intentions to do you wrong

Still stuck on the melody of that sweet song

Remember the day we went to “the spot” Just us?

Everything was great & I didn’t fuck it up

Remember your 16th birthday? The train ride home?

I remember waking up & running to get a comb

I came to the living room to find you still deep in slumber

& Woke you up with a kiss & an “I love you”… remember?

I do…I’ll never forget it, Perfection for a FACT

Just like that baby, you got me with a snap

So much more I'd love to say But cant be put in words

Don't forget like snap came love can also come the hurt

Unstable.

I don't know what the hell is the matter with me, But lately I'm all over the fricking place!!! Its like one second I'm calm & I'm smiling...not HAPPY but smiling for the most part you know? && the NEXt second...I'm FURIOUS, and I don't know what makes me so angry, It'll be the slightest thing, & it just urks me to my VERY core...& I don't think I can handle that. It makes me ridicoulous to know that I can't contain myself in ANY situations i find myself in, & for the record...I'm always in SOME situation.


So0o0o0o0o..It was a great day...My husband came over (I'm not pissed, I love him) & Him & my mother & little sister went to the pool, & then we went out to eat, & then we came back to my house & every one showered & we werw all hangin out...& then everyone left & it was just me & my boyfriend time...& it was so0o0o0oo0o0o0o immaculate...But i went & FUCKED it up. I cried & cried for him to stay so that we can talk & than I'd let him leave..but in the end i started to feel needy...i don't like that feeling...so i let him leave...with a hurt in my heart, a tear in my eye & a pain in my stomach..& it may seem melodramatic but I'm being serious...I was crying HARD...I NEVER let him actually see me cry like that...So he promised he'd call me when he got home...its been about 3 hours...& he has YET to call, he's called everyone else though..to "vent"...That upsets me...it makes me wanna cry some more...I don't even know what else to do...i really couldve made it better, I COULD'VE! We could've spoken it out & then i wouldve let him leave on a happy note...but NO i fucked up the day, with my BULLLSHIT...i hate that i do that man & i hate that he gets so angry...so it was a GREAT day...horrible ending... I have no choice but to cry myself to sleep 2night...No choice...i don't think hes gonna call...i don't wanna wait up to find out...If i do chances of me throwing up are like 99 in 100 so0o0o0o idk what to do now...Sometimes he does this thing where he gets so angry he doesn't call me for days at a time..i can't deal with that right now...thats NOT what i need right now... I Pray that he calls me 2morrow...& If he's breaking up with me...I prefer he didn't beat around the bush... Because quite frankly, I don't think I could handle it...

So Fucking frustated

Hmmm... Question

Do you ever find yourself isolating your self from the group? Therefore being cast as an outsider looking in. As if to find your self stuck in a rut right outside the comfort zone. What are you supposed to do when you find that your body is physically denying your depression? What does it mean when you’re smiling on the outside, but on the inside your body deteriorating down to the very core, down to the toughest exterior. When you don’t know what to do? When you’re so mad that you can’t help but smile? What exactly are you supposed to turn to?
What’s the point in trying to satisfy others? If you’re never going to get anywhere with self satisfaction. Have you ever given yourself to one person that isn’t you? To then later realize that you were making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. To then realize that the person isn’t worth it? That all they ever wanted to do was take advantage of you? That they were never any good intentions and that things aren’t ever going to go the way you wanted them to go? That you have been fooled, robbed or your purity, taken away from your heart, the only place where you can find yourself? It’s like there is no where that you can go to determine your own emotions, determine the effects of your own actions. What is that? The feeling of Captive freedom, it takes over my world. Am I the only one? Do u think I’m crazy??

Join the club…cuz so does everyone else

My Escape

Running away to a distant yet familiar memory, attempting to not condone and reform to the actual Numbness

My words inhabit my body and experience the physicality and the inner silence that becomes eloquent only in performance.

I see the things around me with a different view as the others, I’m a non-conformist being sucked into a world full of all the same rebels

Wishing I knew the way to rid myself of all harmful vices, wishing I knew a way to avoid the calls of the Devil

My demonic ways beginning to take over my lifestyle surrounded by Angel faced Devils waiting for opportunities to do me wrong

Corrupting the pure innocence of those lucky enough to not be possessed by the lyrics & melody of that sweet sweet song

Listening or surrounding yourself with the song is like a brutal ripping of your soul, being taken like RAPE

Wander with my words into a chaotic yet mellow E S C A P E

Lost On A Two Way Street (Contradictions)

I know where I am, Where do I stand?
No suggestions only demands
I can’t feel my arms, Why are they bleeding?
Apology accepted for being “misleading”
I hear my heart beating, Why don’t I feel human?
Not satisfied with the categorization I’m viewed in
I told you I loved you, Why haven’t you called?
I don’t want to remember, there’s memories on the walls
Hold my hand, why won’t u go away?
Don’t let go! I need u here to stay
Be honest, The truth scares the fuck out of me
Why would u say that? I’m where I thought I’d never be
Always moving , getting no where
Why’s everything so still, I got to go there
Where are you taking me? Don’t bring me back
I want to go home! I don’t know what lacks
I know where I am, Where do I stand?
No suggestions only demands

A Couple Sides To my Mental Rubiks Cube

She is Eclipse. She hides, from everyone & everything she should run to. She tortures herself constantly, She'll get what she wants in her grasp, & then she lets go, & struggles to get it again. She enjoys the chase, the adventure, the uncertainty. She finds comfort in insecurities. Contradiction is her middle name. Get her a pen & she'll serve you the world on a paper plate. It'll be a FULL-course meal! She always has something to say, & she’s a master of her language. The English language is not sufficient for her thoughts. Her words contain meaning & density. She's the explicit censorship of all prime life. She is the entity of an oxymoron. She exhibits true lies, captive freedom, & illogical technicalities, like a silent thunderstorm. She is SO misunderstood. She has rebelled. She is forced into darkness; the earth comes between her & her cores so that all or part of her light is blocked out. She is eclipse.


Then there is the INFAMOUS Luna. She's a demonic little angel. The life of that party, the performer. She LOVES the spotlight & only the lord can try to help anyone who tried to take that away from her. Don't attempt to dispute with this little creature we call Luna (short for Lunatic) She'd tear you to bits & pieces... If looks alone could kill she'd knock em dead with the blink of an eye. She has the confidence of America's Top Model, NOT cocky, but confident. She's a stylist, she’s So0o0o different. She absolutely HATES trends...w/e she likes she'll go with, she’s so up to date on the trends, but she won't take part in them.. She can put together an outfit from NOTHING. Her style is sickening, watch out for this one! She is a Luna.


There's Miss Bitch. Her name pretty much speaks for itself. Don’t attempt to argue with her. She is NOT a lover. She is FIGHTER...she won't let herself be defeated. We haven't seen it yet. One day she'll meet her match...nd we'll see who she can become, however as of now she is untouched and remains untouchable... a forbidden treasure...waiting for an infidel! She doesn't take shit from anybody...She is a bitch...Miss Bitch™ at that! So show some respect. Gotta give it to get it *wink*


Theres me, I’m Jasmine also known as Jazzi or Jas. I'm a little strange when you have a first encounter with me. I'm the writer, the musician, the lover, & the Dreamer. I'm a sweetheart. I enjoy when people open up to me. It makes me feel as thought for once in my life, I’m not being seen as a delinquint, or a trouble maker, or a pathological liar, but like a person. A person you can trust, & rely on to be there for you. I'm really understanding & I’m not as bad as you may think I am...I’m going to think its same to assume that I don't exactly portray myself as I nice innocent little person. But that’s just how it is... & if you DONT like it. Well than I'm so sorry for u!

Glimpse Of Torture

You don’t see? You can't tell that behind the smile, the eyes & the laughs that she is just miserable? Hidden Beauty. Crazed Silence. So far beyond extreme that it’s mesmerizing. (Giggle) She KNOWS that you wanna ask. But she won't speak... She hides, yet still standing out in the crowd...& waits for you to approach her. You wait. It builds up inside of you. YOU NEED TO KNOW HER NAME. Everyone knows who she is. Everyone wants to know. Including her...She is lost in reality but in total control of her world. She has lost all contact with reality as she is claimed to be a victim of society. She laughs during the day when not hiding indoors. However, once struck by the celestial energy from the moon...she GLOWS. Beauty hidden beneath torture, deceit, betrayal, & lies...So what is her name? && as u wonder what her name is, she wonders why u don’t see. Why won't you help?

Cause & Effect

If I’m so wrong, Fix me.
[Secretly wanting acceptance]

Unknown essence of physical perfection
[My eating disorder]

Lost in a book deprived of an active social life
[Isolation is Key]

30 minutes late again, I’m expected to fail regardless
[Losing hope, starting to give up]

Staring at my bare self in the mirror in a full house
[Subconsciously exposing new cuts]

Resisting the urge to cut again
[Picking up a new vice]

Lost in total numbness
[Slowly regressing to a weaker state]

Waking up out of breath at 3 AM
[Another panic attack]

Cutting too deep
[You didn’t take the signs seriously]

Blood dripping down my arm
[You lied about getting me help]

Laying in a hospital bed
[We could’ve avoided this]

Weekly visits
[Now your even MORE humiliated]

Cause
[Effect]