Unstable.

I don't know what the hell is the matter with me, But lately I'm all over the fricking place!!! Its like one second I'm calm & I'm smiling...not HAPPY but smiling for the most part you know? && the NEXt second...I'm FURIOUS, and I don't know what makes me so angry, It'll be the slightest thing, & it just urks me to my VERY core...& I don't think I can handle that. It makes me ridicoulous to know that I can't contain myself in ANY situations i find myself in, & for the record...I'm always in SOME situation.


So0o0o0o0o..It was a great day...My husband came over (I'm not pissed, I love him) & Him & my mother & little sister went to the pool, & then we went out to eat, & then we came back to my house & every one showered & we werw all hangin out...& then everyone left & it was just me & my boyfriend time...& it was so0o0o0oo0o0o0o immaculate...But i went & FUCKED it up. I cried & cried for him to stay so that we can talk & than I'd let him leave..but in the end i started to feel needy...i don't like that feeling...so i let him leave...with a hurt in my heart, a tear in my eye & a pain in my stomach..& it may seem melodramatic but I'm being serious...I was crying HARD...I NEVER let him actually see me cry like that...So he promised he'd call me when he got home...its been about 3 hours...& he has YET to call, he's called everyone else though..to "vent"...That upsets me...it makes me wanna cry some more...I don't even know what else to do...i really couldve made it better, I COULD'VE! We could've spoken it out & then i wouldve let him leave on a happy note...but NO i fucked up the day, with my BULLLSHIT...i hate that i do that man & i hate that he gets so angry...so it was a GREAT day...horrible ending... I have no choice but to cry myself to sleep 2night...No choice...i don't think hes gonna call...i don't wanna wait up to find out...If i do chances of me throwing up are like 99 in 100 so0o0o0o idk what to do now...Sometimes he does this thing where he gets so angry he doesn't call me for days at a time..i can't deal with that right now...thats NOT what i need right now... I Pray that he calls me 2morrow...& If he's breaking up with me...I prefer he didn't beat around the bush... Because quite frankly, I don't think I could handle it...